Frosh-O

I am not an emotional guy. Really. I like to think of myself as cool and detached, even in my relationships. The Original Mr. Macho Tough Guy Man's Man. No touchy-feely get in tune with your inner self meditation for me. Go ahead - smash my pinky finger between a metal dormitory bed frame and the metal head board - I can take it!

But this is a tough post to write.

My daughter is a freshman at the University of Notre Dame. We (Mom, Dad & Brother) took her back to South Bend last weekend to move her into her dorm and attend freshman (and parent) orientation activities. It was an amazing time for our family, which I fully expected. What I didn't expect, naively, was the emotional kick in the groin the trip entailed for me.

Logistically the trip was almost flawless. American Airlines non-stop from Orange County to Chicago's O'Hare on Wednesday the 19th. Each of our five checked duffel bags came in at just under the 50-pound limit (do not get me started on checked baggage fees!), and nobody questioned the size or weight of our four carry-on items and our four "personal" items. If nothing else, our daughter arrived at Notre Dame prepared for any fashion situation.

At O'Hare we picked up our rental car. I got an excellent deal through Priceline on a "premium" class car, as I needed as much space as possible for all our luggage but didn't want to pay the outrageous cost of renting an SUV. The Mercury Grand Marquis we got fit the bill for us (huge trunk!), although I felt like I was driving a grandpa car the whole time.

The drive from O'Hare to South Bend was the non-flawless part of the trip. Worst traffic I have ever seen in Chicago. It must have been a combination of time of day (late afternoon), construction on the freeway, and weather, but it took us over three hours to get through Chicago and onto the Indiana Toll Road. Once we cleared most of the traffic in Chicago, we were hit by a tremendous Midwestern thunderstorm. Traffic slowed way, way down because visibility was so bad and there was so much water on the road. Many cars did pull over to the side of the road to wait out the storm. We were treated to a terrific show of lightning bolts lighting up the sky. By the time we finally cleared the storm, everyone was exhausted, starving, and/or in need of a comfort break. So we pulled off at the nearest exit (I'm still not sure exactly what town we were in) for dinner, and found a nice family-style restaurant that suited us very well. After eating and whatnot, we hit the road for the push to South Bend. Of course, while we were eating the storm had passed over us so we had to drive through it a second time! In any event, we finally made it to the Marriott in downtown South Bend a little after 10:00 p.m., just a 5 1/2 hours after leaving O'Hare (accounting for the time change). But our room was waiting for us, no problems with the Marriott Rewards certificate we were using for our stay (big relief!). We schlepped all our bags up to the room, and then hopped back into the grandpa car for a quick trip to Bed, Bath & Beyond. (Why, what else did you expect us to do? Go to sleep?).

So at about 10:30 p.m. on a Wednesday night in August, all four of us strolled into the Mishawaka branch of BB&B to pick up all the dorm-room accessories that our daughter had ordered through the BB&B in Orange County and asked to be ready for her in Mishawaka on August 19th. Yes, they would have held the stuff for an extra day. Yes, they were still open at 10:30 (extended hours for dorm move-in week). No, we could not wait until morning to pick the stuff up. No, I'm not sure why. In any case, BB&B has a pretty good racket, errr, service going with the "scan your items at home and pick them up at college" service. Certainly somebody at BB&B deserves a big bonus. Nice service for us too, as it saved us a lot in shipping and/or baggage charges.

We loaded all the pink goodies into the car, and headed back to the hotel, with a quick midnight stop at campus to see the Golden Dome all lit up and peek at our daughter's new home.

Thursday we slept in (much to the OC Daughter's dismay), before heading to campus for some errands and wandering around. ID card, lunch, credit union, bookstore, etc.... We visited the Grotto and lit one candle of thanksgiving, and one candle asking that Our Lady watch over our daughter and keep her safe. We stopped by the dorm in the hope that we could get in a day early and see the dorm and the room. It was open and we got to meet the R.A. and see the room. We also found out we could bring a load of stuff over from the hotel if we wanted. Of course the girl who needed to hit Bed, Bath & Beyond at 10:30 at night didn't need to hear that twice. So we went back to the hotel, loaded up the Grand Marquis with all manner of dorm room goodness, and returned to campus to unload it in her room. It actually turned out well in that it saved us having to make two trips the next day. The highlight for me was learning that our daughter's room has a terrific Dome view, which is a pretty nice bonus for a freshman. In my experience, Dome views are pretty hot commodities for the upperclassmen during room lottery in the Spring.

That evening, we met our daughter's roommate and her family for dinner. The two girls hit it off immediately, although they had already become fast friends through the miracle of Facebook.com. It was great to have a good meal (although I admit to being generally suspicious of Mexican food served in Northern Indiana), and we especially enjoyed meeting the newest members of our extended family. (There must be a term for your kid's roommate's parents? Roomies in-law?) All were relieved that nobody else was a chain smoking weirdo.

Friday was the official move-in day, and the girls were ready! The wall-to-wall carpet went in first (thanks to our Roomies-in-law for getting the carpet!) and the two Dads just needed to quickly assemble the pre-fab loft kits that were waiting for us at Home Depot before the girls could decorate and accessorize the room.

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!!!!!!! (Insert sinister belly-laugh here).

Yes Home Depot has loft "kits." No, ours weren't waiting for us at the local Home Depot when we got there at about 8:30 on Friday. So after talking to "Don" about our missing kits, we went back to campus to unload the SUV, and by the time we returned to Home Depot and hour later our "kits" were just about ready. They just needed to visit the hardware section and pull the bolts we needed. It dawned on me that we were in a lot of trouble when Don started counting out 42 6-inch bolts and 14 3.5-inch for EACH of the two lofts. Yes that's 56 bolts per loft, times two lofts. A lot of bolts.

Did I say pre-fab "kit" earlier? By "kit" I mean of course a pile of lumber and a crude drawing. And 56 bolts (with washers and nuts). The lumber is pre-cut (well, mostly pre-cut), but it is not pre-drilled.

"Man plans, God laughs" as they say. What we thought might be a couple of hours of kit assembly turned into a full day of drilling and bolting and re-engineering a faulty design. The girls were too sweet to say anything, but they paced the hallway itching to get into the room and get their things all situated just the way they had imagined.

When we had finally put the last bolts in place and figured work-arounds for the erroneous dimensions on the "University-approved" Home Depot design, we were tired and sweaty but feeling pretty good about having accomplished something that meant a lot to our little girls (and their moms). Then we tossed the mattresses up onto the lofts and realized that they were too tall! University-approved design my ass. The girls, being grateful for all our effort and no doubt worried about pushing their Dads over the edge, didn't utter any complaint as they climbed up onto the loft to make their beds in the maybe 20 inches of clearance between the top of the mattresses and the ceiling above. They slept snugly that night, but admitted that they bumped their heads when the alarm clocks went off in the morning.

But we were all worried about the girls, and the next day the Dads figured out a way to lower the mattresses by six inches without a total re-build while the girls and moms were making a Target run. Much better. Of course the next day the dorm was plastered with flyers from entrepreneurs offering to build custom lofts in your room for less than we paid Home Depot. Sigh.

Friday night (still move-in day) we drove the OC Son back to O'Hare so he could spend the weekend in Colorado with his Aunt, Uncle & Cousin, the highlight of which would be a day of mountain biking in Vail. We wanted him to be part of moving his sister into her dorm and getting her settled at college, but didn't think he would want to sit through the weekend of parent orientation sessions. In contrast to Wednesday, the Friday drive to O'Hare and back went very smoothly and much more quickly, and our son had a great weekend in Colorado (where he now wants us to move).

Friday night as we got back from O'Hare was the first hint, for me, that it was going to be a tough weekend. We got back to our hotel room after midnight and realized that instead of four people and about nine suitcases, our merry band was down to the two of us and two small bags. Our son was winging his way westward, and our daughter was happily settling into her dorm and meeting all her new college friends.

Saturday morning was the "meet the dorm staff and listen to how we'll keep your daughter safe" session. After that was the big official "Welcome to the University" session at the Joyce Athletic and Convocation Center (JACC), highlighted by wonderful remarks from Father Jenkins (University President). But the student speaker stole the show that afternoon. She gave a heart warming and personal welcome to the freshman. She spoke of letting Notre Dame pull you in. She spoke of how her father had, when she was a child, changed the words of the Notre Dame Victory March and sang "while her loyal Sons ... and Daughters ... march on to Victory" in order to make her feel part of the Notre Dame family. She never realized what he had done until she arrived at the University as a freshman and everyone was singing the Victory March differently than she was. I could not help but think of my own Daughter of Notre Dame, and I wasn't the only Dad in the house wiping his eyes while trying like heck to maintain my cool detachment.

Sunday was an intimate Mass for the two-thousand freshman and their families in the North dome of the JACC (since the arena in the South dome is under renovation), followed by the "Spirit of Notre Dame" session involving short talks from Athletic Director Jack Swarbrick, Football Coach Charlie Weis, and the President of Student Government who once again welcomed the freshman and spoke with great humor of his own Frosh-O weekend and his tearful good-byes to his parents. But the stars of the session were, of course, the Notre Dame Glee Club and the Band of the Fighting Irish, which is what I believe they call in show business the "big finish."

I am not an emotional guy. The first time Notre Dame made me cry was 1974 when Anthony Davis and the USC Trojans came back from a 24-0 hole and beat the Fighting Irish 55-24. I was ten years old and watching the game on T.V. from 2,000 miles away.

The next time Notre Dame made me cry was during my own Frosh-O weekend, when I sat by myself in the ACC and the Notre Dame Band marched into the arena blasting out the Victory March.

And I cried during my graduation weekend when I knew that my time at Our Lady's University had drawn to a close.

So how do you think it went as my wife and I stood in the bleachers and looked down at our own daughter, who was locked arm-in-arm with her Notre Dame classmates and swaying back and forth as the Band of the Fighting Irish played the Alma Mater? Cool and detached I wasn't.

After that we walked our daughter back to her dorm, and said good-bye. I tried to think of something wise to say without bursting into sobs, and we left her there in the care of Our Lady.

The University has grown a lot since my time there. Our daughter's classes are almost all in buildings that didn't exist when I was a student. The athletic facilities are world class. But the feel of the place, and the emotions it evokes haven't changed a bit. The Dome, the Grotto, the lakes, the leafy trees, the thick grass, and the stadium all feel the same.

We could not be more proud of our daughter, and we could not possibly have left her in better hands. We could not be happier for her as she goes confidently in the direction of her dreams.

But we sure miss that little girl.

Obama and the Fighting Irish

I recently received an e-mail asking me for my help in “taking Notre Dame back for Our Lady from the Forces of Darkness.” The writer was “scandalized by the disobedience by Fr. Jenkins, in the dishonoring of the sanctity of life on Commencement Day, with an honorary Doctor of Laws, of all things, to this pro-abortion leader.” She was referring of course to Notre Dame’s decision to invite President Obama to deliver the commencement address at the University this year.

I had been thinking about blogging the Obama controversy, but hadn't done so yet because I hadn't fully fleshed out my opinion on the matter. The e-mail gave me an excuse to focus on the issue, and this post is actually an expanded version of my thoughts as I expressed them to my passionate e-mailer.

While I strongly disagree with Obama's pro-abortion policies, along with just about every other policy he has, I'm not really able to translate that into being upset that Notre Dame has invited him to speak. The University has something of a tradition of inviting Presidents of both parties to speak at commencement. For example, I was very proud that Ronald Reagan chose to speak at Notre Dame. I'm sure if I looked for it I could find some area of disagreement between Church teaching and Reagan's policies.

I think my biggest reservation about condemning the invitation comes from the way conservatives are treated at liberal colleges and universities. I don't know how many articles I have read decrying the way Justice Scalia, or Justice Thomas, or other conservative thinkers are treated by academia. They get dis-invited, they get boycotted, they get protested, they get shouted down, and in the end they are often denied the opportunity to freely present their views and opinions. I have always found such behavior on the left to be deplorable. To me there would be a significant level of hypocrisy involved if Notre Dame and movement conservatives were to decide that liberal opinions and ideas would not be permitted to be heard at Our Lady's University. Not because the left doesn't deserve to be treated that way. But because if we go down that road we would be no better than those we criticize for being closed minded. We will have become that which we despise.

Maybe I am naive, but it is my hope that Notre Dame can be classier than those other schools by being a shining example of what real free speech, real diversity, and real honest debate and disagreement look like. I understand the passion of my e-mail correspondent and pro-lifers everywhere, and I agree with their views about abortion. So let President Obama come to Notre Dame and face those who disagree strongly with him. This President rarely faces a crowd that isn't hand-picked and filled with fawning supporters and his enablers in the press. I would be very proud of the Notre Dame student body if, as the President steps to the podium, the graduating class rises as one holding aloft large signs expressing their views of the President's pro-death policies. 2,000 students holding "Choose Life" signs under the President's nose as he speaks would be more powerful than dis-inviting him so that he could go speak instead to some adoring crowd at a lesser institution.

It also is not lost on me that, according to the The Observer, the graduating seniors are by a large majority very excited that the President of the United States will be speaking at their graduation. I'm not sure that all the "adults" who are so upset should be dictating to the Notre Dame Class of 2009 who their invited commencement speaker should be. At my graduation from Notre Dame in 1986 we had a Catholic Cardinal speak (I don't remember his name). No doubt his theology was right. But the speech itself was a boring and disappointing end to my four years at Notre Dame.

And finally, I think Notre Dame is being singled out here for some very selective outrage. The University has invited a non-Catholic President with non-Catholic views to visit the University and give a speech, and this is scandalous? Where is all the Catholic outrage over all the so-called Catholics in the Congress, in the state legislatures, and in the Governors' mansions across America who act daily as accomplices of the abortion industry? Where are the bishops’ condemnations of pro-choice “Catholics” Nancy Pelosi, Joseph Biden, John Kerry, Christopher Dodd, and Rudy Giuliani? These people call themselves Catholics, yet they have enthusiastically supported the public financing and easy availability of abortions across America for years. The Catholic Church is in a position to take substantive action to promote the sanctity life. They could deny “pro-choice” politicians the right to receive Holy Communion at mass or even ex-communicate them. But they don’t. When Pope Benedict visited the United States last year, Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry, Christopher Dodd, Edward Kennedy, and Rudy Giuliani all very publicly received the sacrament of Holy Communion at Papal masses. The Pope even received Nancy Pelosi at the Vatican in February, giving her a much grander platform than a speech at Notre Dame could. Every election cycle bishops and other Church leaders have the opportunity speak out against pro-choice “Catholics” on the ballot and encourage the faithful to cast their votes for pro-life candidates. Yet they don’t. They remain silent or even support the pro-death Democrat candidates, usually because it is the Democrats that are more closely aligned with the Church’s views of “social justice.” Rather than taking a meaningful, concrete stance that would have a material impact in protecting the unborn they remain silent, eschewing substantive action that would save lives in favor of symbolic outrage against Notre Dame that accomplishes nothing.

So bring President Obama to Notre Dame. Let him face a fired-up crowd of educated, articulate, politically active young Americans who passionately disagree with him and his policies. Let him feel the heat. Engage him and challenge him. That is how you bring about change.

Notre Dame, Our Mother

Notre Dame, our Mother
Tender, strong and true
Proudly in the heavens,
Gleams thy gold and blue.
Glory's mantle cloaks thee
Golden is thy fame,
And our hearts forever,
Praise thee, Notre Dame.
And our hearts forever,
Love thee, Notre Dame.

In celebration of Mother's Day, I am dedicating this post to Our Lady of the Lake, and I encourage all members of the Notre Dame family to remember her as well on Sunday as they honor all the moms in their lives (depending on your particular situation that could be "Mom", wife, sister, daughter, neighbor, friend, or even a stranger in need of an encouraging word). It seems too obvious to mention, but devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary has been remarkable throughout the history of the University of Notre Dame. The University is, of course, named for her. The most significant architectural feature of the University is topped by a 16 foot gilded statue of her. And the most significant place of worship at Notre Dame is not the Basilica, but the Grotto, where one can go at any time of the day or night to pray or meditate under her protective gaze.

In research for this post, I came across what must be considered among the most definitive publications on the history of Notre Dame's Grotto and many of the other religious symbols and landmarks at the University. It is called "A Cave of Candles: The Story Behind the Notre Dame Grotto." The author of this marvelous work is Dorothy V. Corson, and all credit for collection and publication of the excerpts below must go to her. I highly recommend the entire story to all those interested in Notre Dame history beyond the football field.

Everyone loves the Dome. But it seems that many fail to see that perched on top of the famous Dome is an impressive statue of Mary. Long before Mary set foot there, it had been the dream of Father Edward Sorin to make it so. As early as 1844, Sorin had envisioned his Lady on the Dome when he wrote:

When this school, Our Lady's school, grows a bit more, I shall raise her aloft so that, without asking, all men shall know why we have succeeded here. To that lovely Lady, raised high on a dome, a Golden Dome, men may look and find the answer.

After the Main Building of the University burned to the ground some thirty five years later, in 1879, Father Sorin renewed his vision:

The fire was my fault, he concluded. I came here as a young man and founded a university which I named after the Mother of God. Now she had to burn it to the ground to show me I dreamed too small a dream. Tomorrow we will build it bigger and, when it is built, we will put a gold dome on top with a golden statue of the Mother of God so that everyone who comes this way will know to whom we owe whatever great future this place has.

Not long after the 1879 fire, the plan for a statue of Mary to top the new Dome had taken shape:

We have received a description of the proposed statue of our Lady which is to adorn the new University, and which the young lady graduates of St. Mary's Academy generously proposed themselves to contribute as their crowning gift to Notre Dame. The model of the statue is that adopted by our late Holy Father, Pope Pius IX, in 1854, on the occasion of the solemn proclamation of the dogma of the Immaculate Conception (erected by Pius IX in front of the Propaganda College in Piazza di Spagna in Rome). The material will be of highly polished bronze, sixteen feet in height, the crescent with the serpent beneath, and a starry crown above. Nine of the stars will be seen over and on either side of the head. By day the statue itself and its circle of stars will glitter in the sunlight, an object of beauty for miles around; and by night the nine stars will be lit with the electric light, and thus be a beacon of beauty from a still further distance. As the head will be 186 feet above the earth [sources vary on this; 197 feet seems to be the correct figure], it is evident that the jets of light will be seen by night all over the neighboring city and for a great distance on the various railroads entering here.

The young ladies of St. Mary's have therefore undertaken a beautiful task, a labor of love, in thus placing our Lady's statue in mid-air, as Michael Angelo placed the faultless Grecian temple above St. Peter's, a thing of beauty to rest and shine there, a joy forever. May their labor of love be rewarded, here, with the success of the object which they have in view, and afterwards with the sweet memory of the noble deed which they have accomplished, and may our Blessed Lady look upon them with her brightest smiles when, as the shades of night come on, her beautiful statue lights up the landscape of Notre Dame and St. Mary's!

The dream was realized when the statue of Mary was carefully lifted into place in 1883. I think it is important to note here the close ties between Notre Dame and St. Mary's Academy (now St. Mary's College). The profound nature of the gift from St. Mary's to Notre Dame, and the gratitude and love with which it was received is but a symbol of the close historical ties between the two institutions, which is further detailed in Dorothy Corson's manuscript. Periodically an article will appear in the Observer, written by an undergraduate student without any perspective, insulting Saint Mary's and its students, accusing them, essentially, of being parasites living off of Notre Dame. The crux of the article is typically that St. Mary's students shouldn't be permitted to buy tickets to Notre Dame football games. A reading of the full history of the two schools makes clear how ignorant (and selfish) these young authors can be.

A center of devotion at Notre Dame for over a century is the Grotto, a replica of the Grotto at Lourdes, France. The dedication of the Grotto at Notre Dame was an occasion of great ceremony:

On August 5th, 1896, the Feast of Our Lady of Snows, a beautiful statue representing the Blessed Virgin as she appeared to Bernadette at Lourdes was set in place in the new Grotto here at Notre Dame. The ceremony of the occasion, though short, partook of a simple grandeur that is not usually seen outside of Catholic countries. In the cool hours of the morning the Religious of the Holy Cross -- priests, brothers and nuns -- to the number of five hundred or more assembled in the spacious College Chapel to assist at Solemn Mass. All who were present approached the Holy Table and, when the services were over, formed in procession leading across the University lawn and through the picturesque grove in which Our Lady's shrine is situated. The brothers were in front carrying the statue and telling their beads, while the acolytes and priests followed with candles and waving banners. The sisters, chaunting the Litany of Loretto and the Magnificat, walked behind the ministers of the Mass. Those who have never witnessed a procession of this kind cannot know the beauty and the glory of it. Hard indeed would be the heart which would not thrill at the sight. To be sure, we do not refer to the mere specular aspect of a number of men and women marching in picturesque habits through a wooded glen, -- though that in itself is something uncommonly striking; we have in mind, rather, the faith of which is hardly any left in our day. No man could gaze on such a scene without feeling in his inmost consciousness -- whatever his outward expression might be -- that in the Catholic Church faith at least is not dead. And when on this occasion, the statue was finally in place and the religious knelt down before Our Lady's image offering prayers of thanksgiving and supplication, it was clear beyond doubt that here at Notre Dame there exists a faith in the Blessed Virgin's power, before God which is as strong and living as that which existed in the very "Ages of Faith" themselves. It is gratifying to be able to say this much, for it means that blessings are in store for the home of the new Grotto as well as the country round about from which the pilgrimages come.

A procession of 500 priests, brothers, and nuns would indeed have been an impressive sight on Notre Dame's modest campus in 1896. Since it's dedication, the Grotto has played an important role in the lives of Notre Dame residents and visitors alike. Dorothy Corson captures it so well that I won't try to paraphrase it:

An article in the Observer printed on February 13, 1986, five months after [a fire at the Grotto], brought renewed attention to this lovely campus shrine when the threat of loss was focused upon it.

In a portion of that impressive article, Kathy Martin the feature staff writer, speaks of the student experience:

Scarcely a student passes through the challenges, dilemmas, and triumphs of four college years here without taking refuge at one time or another in the peaceful silence of a moment of reflection before hundreds of glowing candles which are special prayers to the Virgin Mary. It is part of the Notre Dame experience and tradition. [...]

Kathy Martin also quotes former Notre Dame President, Father Theodore Hesburgh, who usually visits the Grotto every day when he is on campus:

"I really believe that Our Lady watches over this place. I feel I ought to stop in and say thanks, and also pray that she keeps watching over it." he said. "I usually get down there in the wee hours of the morning when I leave the office," he continued. "There is almost always someone down there, rain, sleet, or snow . . . . Every university has a place where students hang out for their social life, libraries where they study, and playing fields where they play sports, but how many have a praying place?"

The Grotto has earned Father Hesburgh's own personal accolade: "I've been to shrines dedicated to Our Lady all over the world. Mary may visit them, but she lives here at Notre Dame." [...]

This sanctuary among the trees is filled with the memories of a host of fellow travelers journeying through life. John Bruening's comment emphasizes this impression.

On a cold winter night, it's one of the few places you can go to be by yourself, yet never feel alone.

It has been said that the sweetest words in the English language are mother, heaven, and home -- Mary represents them all. The inspiration of her faith burns ever brightly in the candles at her Grotto, so that all people in need might come directly to her, like a child to its mother.

Father John E. Fitzgerald penned these words about that special feeling that radiates from the Grotto and touches the heart:

It's quiet and shady there. Just what there is about the place can't be described because it's different for everyone. Nobody knows how many candles have been burned or prayers answered there. From the great Golden Dome of her University Our Lady reigns as our Queen. Yet at the Grotto she seems to have stepped down a little closer to us that she might emphasize the other side of her personal relationship with us -- that of Our Mother.

The thoughts expressed above echo my own feelings about the Grotto. Haven't we all gone there in a moment of personal darkness and found comfort? Notre Dame, Our Mother.

Happy Mother's Day, from OC Domer.