Friday, August 31, 2007

The Walk of Shame


So how do you feel this morning, frat boy? You're buttoning up your Tommy Bahama shirt, and you found your Rainbows under the bed. You've got a splitting headache and it doesn't seem as clever now as it did the night before, when your buddies dared you to put the moves on the shy girl in the corner. The one who was a little overweight, who wasn't dressed as cool as the other girls. Who really blushed when you started talking to her. She was glad of your attention and too nervous to decline the Cape Cods you kept bringing her. She didn't know how to react when you offered to walk her home as the party was winding down. She really didn't know how to react once her bedroom door closed and you pulled her close. You used her, made her your dirty girl for the night, and now as you sneak out the door and look back at the bed, you can't even look her in the face. Instead you notice the bright stains on the sheets. You're pretty sure she's still asleep, but just before the door clicks shut you hear her ask, "Will you call me?" Yeah, jerk, she actually likes you. Down the hall and through the kitchen, her house mates give you cold stares as you head back to your dorm.

Are you really going to brag about this? Can you really look yourself in the mirror and be proud of your conquest?

Yeah, I'm talking to you Louisville (defeated Murray State 73-10). You too, Rutgers (defeated Buffalo 38-3). When you run the table on your schedules, are you really going to count these games as "wins"? Are you going to claim you deserve to play in a BCS Bowl game because you humiliated two of the worst teams in college football? Heck, most of the Top 25 ought to be ashamed. USC opens with Idaho. I honestly expect the Trojans to score 100 points in that game. West Virginia plays Western Michigan. Texas plays Arkansas State. Michigan hosts Appalachian State. Urban Meyer's Florida gators are really putting it all on the line, beginning their title defense against Western Kentucky. The Ohio State Buckeyes renew their intrastate rivalry against Div I-AA power Youngstown State (actually, it's the first meeting between these schools). The Penn State Nittany Lions open against Florida International University, generally expected to finish last in the Sun Belt Conference.

These programs, all of which hope to be considered "elite" when January rolls around, ought to be ashamed of themselves. Writing checks to doormat programs to guarantee yourselves a nice home "win" to start the season is not the way "elite" programs should operate.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I get the analogy, but I really feel a lot worse for the shy girl in the corner than for Western Michigan.

Not sure that ND is blameless either with Duke on the schedule.

OC Domer said...

The shy girl was seduced by a few too many drinks and frat boy's dimples. Western Michigan is seduced by $$$ and the chance to be on T.V.

Duke, for what it is worth, is in a BCS conference. Notre Dame can apologize for playing Duke after the rest of the ACC does.

sir john said...

WOW! That's a post OC.

CNY_Domer said...

Wonderful post oc domer.

It blows my mind that these teams choose to essentially play another scrimmage to get a cheap win. Whatever happened to "if you want to be the best you have to beat the best"

Anonymous said...

A little creepy.

Anonymous said...

Not for nothing, but a couple years ago, Rutgers was Buffalo. Schedules are made a few years in advance...when RU and Buffalo decided to play one another, I would bet Buffalo chalked that up as a win.

Anonymous said...

Careful about the indignation. Look who we open with NEXT year ... the power of the west - San Diego State.

Brian said...

Wow, I had NO idea where this post was going to go when I was halfway through it.
I also lament that the NCAA allows a 12th game, giving teams a chance to schedule another cupcake.
(but then again, I'm the one college football fan on the planet who also laments the end of tie games with the implementation of overtime.)